I watched Olympus Has Fallen and then immediately watched White House Down and tried to remember which was which. It's a VERSUS episode and the winner was very evident before the opening credits of each movie. Prepare for a solo episode featuring only myself. - Phoenix West
062 - TINM! - 26 - "More Orgies Per Mile Than Any Other Car."
102 year old Boston woman faces murder charges against a 101 year old roommate.
Electronic Daisy Carnival is apparently a great place to overdose.
Padres reliever wears a giant padded hat.
Florida law allows people to do a warning shot during arguments.
More 800 random internet rape questions.
VS. - super intelligent pet VS. super intelligent kid.
VS. - hand to hand combat expert VS. gun expert
VS. - man VS. machine, what side would you rather be on?
Laws Of Life - advertising lingo.
061 - TINM! - 25 - "Incredible Negative Men! Assemble!"
In this episode we cover:
More 800 questions.
Man smuggles gun into florida prison to shoot themselves to sue the prison.
Star Trek show in talks for Netflix.
Philadelphia man asks women to put swiss cheese on his penis.
Cop slits dog’s throat after dog was already in custody.
Vs. - physical abuse Vs. mental abuse.
Vs. - victory dance Vs. victory taunt.
Laws Of Life - dressing animals.
060 - LIW Movie Review - 30 - Born To Win (1971) (Rio)
We watched Born To Win and now we associate a serious heroin addiction and lazy thievery as 'winning'. This movie was impossible to see or hear properly because of a terrible video transfer to the DVD format. This movie says it stars Robert DeNiro but he was only in 2 scenes so we felt betrayed. This movie was apparently about the New York heroin scene. It was impossible to follow.
059 - LIW Movie Review - 29 - Gas (2004) (Phoenix)
We watched Gas and now we're moving to the hood to open up a hilarious gas station. Just so we can have barely audible conversations over traffic and music. This movie would have been funny if it had just a single Wayan's brother in it. This movie...don't bother watching it. It turns you into a gas-hole.
058 - LIW Movie Review - 28 - Lil' Pimp (2005) (Brad)
This week we watched Lil' Pimp and now we want to become polite pimps which is what this movie was about. This web series turned straight to dvd movie sure taught us the rules of pimp-dom. The story of this movie is basically served by making a child turn his mother into a prostitute. We learned, we laughed, we loved all over again. Mostly we were bored for 30 minutes of only an 80 minute movie. Still, way better than Pony Trouble.
057 - TINM! - 24 - "Do You Have Any White Blood Cells I Can Borrow?"
In this "sleepisode" Mario asks the hard questions to Phoenix, Michael and Tressa. They mysteriously vanished last week and sent some weird foreigners in their place which raises too many questions for Mario and Kyle. The trio doesn't understand why Mario needs to know. They have nothing to hide so quit asking.
As far as the topics we discussed in this episode: we all sang a lullabies because the trio finally got to the studio around 2 am and Mario and Kyle were tired. Mario presses further into why the trio was gone. Versus this week is Aladdin Vs. Lay's potato chips, Kool-Ade vs. an army of squirrels, 1980's Batman vs. Dominoes dessert pizza and cassette tapes versus tasers...Michael honestly was losing it for his versus segment. Let's not get into the reasons why.
Laws Of Life this week is about Michael's huge mitts. Seriously, his hands are huge when inside a person. Oh, don't ask about that either.
056 - TINM! - 23 - "Your Accent Is Infectious. I Keep Wanting To Do It."
In this episode some foreigners fill in for the group. We welcome Vladamir Arganov (Russia/Germany), Roy McEllroy (Scottland) and Ashleighlynn Jackson (just southern) to the show in place of Phoenix, Michael and Tressa. Mario and Kyle do their best to keep the show on tracks as normal but it proves to be a true American challenge. They discuss a cyclist being mowed down by a car, Vladamir reveals that in Russia it is 2086 or 2285, Vlad also breaks down how Russia couldn't possibly have won WW2 if they lost 40 million men, Ashleighlynn describes her simple country life which mostly revolves around pageantry, more 800 random questions. Versus segment this week is brought to you by Roy McEllroy at the behest of Michael and is about whether we would keep our current accents or switch it out for another. Another versus is would we rather live where we were raised or someone else (like Scotland). Laws Of Life this week is about the Russian turnip shortage.
055 - TINM! - 22 - "More People Than Ever Are Trying To Be White."
In this episode we welcome Kyle and Tressa into the fold to discuss the news, such as; a Colorado company selling marijuana with names that are suspiciously close to Hershey's candy bars, a man is caught masturbating in a library while holding a cucumber...twice, an Oregon man's life work is fulfilled because he now officially lives in a jet plane in the woods and a Florida man pretending to be a police officer pulls over a real police officer. Seriously, Florida...quit it. Just stop existing already.
In other events, Kyle and Michael were supposed to watch Edge Of Tomorrow together but Kyle watched it without Michael already. Phoenix immediately holds a faux courtroom debate to get to the bottom of it. Then we all do a round from the 800 random questions. We answer one random question for 13 glorious, hilarious minutes. We had too much fun recording this one. Michael's versus segment consists of vacation versus staycation for the Arizona summer. Laws Of Life this week is on "manly" drinkers and how they bully people into drinking liquor straight.
054 - TINM! - 21 - "Was Snoop Dogg Over?"
In this episode we met at 10 pm for the first of a four episode recording marathon. Guest stars are coming. News involves a woman that is hospitalized for using balloons in a sexual manner, a Harvard book that is discovered to be bound in human skin and an obese man hides 40 bags of heroin in his belly button. Then we discuss fetishes and why Phoenix is sick of them.
We also answer more of the 800 random questions. Michael's versus segment is about the Phoenix Comicon (this will air several weeks after): meeting old school comicon celebrities versus new school guys and dressing up versus not dressing up.
Laws Of Life is about how comedians shouldn't take pride in ruining their show and name for the sake of the 'joke' of bombing. Basically they shouldn't attack the audience because they are going through something personal.
053 - LIW Movie Review - 51 - Puppet Master III - Toulon's Revenge (1991)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 51. (Originally aired 6.7.14)
In this installment we watched part 3 of the nonsensical series, Puppet Master. For the third movie in a row the writers of this series have re-written the history of their only overarching human character; Toulon. This movie is basically what would happen if Anne Frank's story involved more puppets and slightly less Nazi's. Fucking boring movie.
052 - LIW Movie Review - 27 - Pony Trouble (2005) (Brent)
(Warning: do not watch this weeks movie. Just let us do it for you.) We watched Pony Trouble because Brent hates us. For the next 7-8 episodes we are each bringing in a random movie to watch. The group does not see the movie until we are about to watch it. Week 1, Brent was chosen and his movie was Pony Trouble. It was the single worst piece of shit any of us have ever seen. It can only get better from here...
051 - LIW Movie Review - 26 - Genre Recap - Comic Book Movies
In this impromptu episode of LIW, we decided to run down our top 10 comic book movies a la the way we did with our sports edition. We didn't just stick with super hero movies either as most of the great ones aren't strictly super heroes. Strangely nobody voted for Barb Wire or Daredevil. Weird.
050 - LIW Movie Review - 25 - Killer Klowns From Outer Space (1988)
We watched a special movie for our 25th episode outing...Killer Klowns From Outer Space. A movie that Phoenix grew up watching and it might explain some of his life problems. The rest of the group hated the movie as expected but we got some great arguments out of it. One of the arguments in this episodes was pie versus cake. This episode really turned into a The Incredible Negative Men! episode. When it comes down to it; this movie is silly fun and doesn't take itself seriously. It was basically the anti-John Carter.
049 - TINM! - 20 - "Porn Is The Only Time You Can Say Ebony."
In this incredibly negative and male-centered episode we mostly discuss going through puberty as a male, how much we hated middle school and when we learned to masturbate. Sounds rough but you know we don't take it seriously. Also, news this week involved a Walmart employee being stabbed by a customer, a Florida man was arrested for selling drugs on Facebook, we follow up on the girl that tried to auction off her virginity and a Pennsylvania 7 year old brings his grandma's heroin to class. Then we tackle more of the 800 random questions and it gets gross. Gross and hilarious.
048 - TINM! - 19 - "Dildos... Lube... Where Are Your Pop-Rocks?"
In this episode we learn the true meaning of family because the first news story involves a mother killing and grilling her daughter, then we discuss the British water source being polluted by a large amount of cocaine, an Iowa distillery raising pigs to taste like whiskey, a woman that put pop rocks inside her south mouth, how 99.3% of women in Egypt have been socially molested, and Jay Z's hate in an elevator. We also answer more of the 800 random questions. Laws Of Life this week is about people complaining about the gender gap. Phoenix reveals there is only one gender gap he cares about.
047 - LIW Movie Review - 24 - Vampire In Brooklyn (1995)
We watched the classic Edward Murphy classic Vampire In Brooklyn which is now considered a classic and now we want to stroll the streets of NYC circa-1995 for female roommates. This movie was a childhood favorite of Phoenix and the group ended up somehow liking the movie so he felt vindicated. This was a packed episode as far as the LIW cast goes. We managed to cram Phoenix, Rio, Bri, Joe, Brent AND Ryan in the same room to record.
046 - LIW Movie Review - 23 - The Last Stand (2013)
We watched The Last Stand starring Governor McRib as a small town Arizona sheriff trying to stop the evil Cortez, played by Laker's power forward Pau Gasol, from crossing the border and now we want to hire Cortez's crew to fix our roads. His crew was equal amounts evil and efficient. A deadly mixture when it comes to crushing deadlines on road construction. This movie wasn't that bad so we trail off into weird areas but someone manage to come back to discussing this movie.
045 - TINM! - 18 - "I'll Kick The Bulge Every 12 Seconds Like A Dog."
In this episode we discover the true deciding factor of why humans hate other humans; the connected eared people hated the lobed ear people. In the news, an old man loses a hand to an airplane propeller while riding a lawn mower, a nurse falsifies the files of patients to tell them they do no have cancer, a Brazil man is opening Obama themed bar-n-grills, a pittbull attacked a child and the parents bit off the dog's ear to get him loose and lastly Frankie Muniz wants to buy the Clippers but we all think he's too poor for that nonsense.
We also keep going forward with the 800 random internet questions before Versus which consists of: Captain America vs. Master Chief and then being a young parent vs. being an old parent. Ryan asks us who would win; Harry Potter or Luke Skywalker. Ryan is the only one that believes in Luke. Luke couldn't even beat a motorcycle let alone a seemingly immortal wizard.
Laws Of Life this time is about people looking at loudspeakers during an announcement despite it just being a disembodied voice.
044 - TINM! - 17 - "I've Done So Little Dying In This Life. Almost None."
This episode was almost titled, "I Want Her Virginity, I Want Her Children's Virginity..." because of the news story of a girl auctioning off her virginity online. However, without context the title was nonsense. Now you get how it doesn't make sense. News also consisted of a guy being arrested for masturbating while driving, a homeless woman giving Richard Gere pizza while he was mid-scene, a dad kicking his skateboarding child down a ramp, a scam involving homeless people and iPhones, Grand Rapids teens using Bert's Bees chapstick on their eyelids and the recent news of powdered alcohol. We also answer more of the 800 online questions from a probable rapist. Versus segment consists of us debating if we could only whisper or only shout for the rest of our sad lives. Laws Of Life is about guys with long hair.