We watched LOL and now we desire a life in which we laugh more...out loud. Or a life that isn't 8th grade like these cast members seem to be permanently stuck in. This movie was about 12 minutes of plot stretched out over 97 minutes. Miley Cyrus was terrible. The plot was terrible. The characters were terrible. The movie overall somehow as just boring. Also, Mario gets mad at Brad and Joe because they didn't save his phone number yet. His feelings toward them were as shitty as this movie.
042 - TINM! - 16 - "I Licked Your Foot During..."
In this episode we continue on from episode 15 but this time it's 4 in the morning of our impromptu recording session. This time we talk even lazier on purpose and it starts to bother even us. We also answer more of the 800 random questions of the online survey. We cover a single news story which is about a dead girl winning prom queen which Phoenix thinks is adorable but pointless. We discuss who we would recast The Wizard Of Oz with if we had to choose modern actors. Phoenix does his passable Charles Barkley and Shaq impressions all before wrapping up with a very serious and sexual Laws Of Life which you'll have to listen to to find out what it is.
041 - TINM! - 15 - "El Guerrilla!"
In this episode we held an impromptu 2:30 am recording of a double batch of TINM. This is the first episode of that session. We discuss the news which consists of a salmonella outbreak due to those creepy bearded dragon pets, a man that leaves prison after 15 years only to rob a shoe store and get tossed back in prison (the reason he was there to begin with), how white people spend less time in jail for the same crime as black folks, a teacher gives one of her students a lap dance and gets wicked fired, a man from Moscow, Idaho wants to own every copy of Speed on VHS and lastly the perfect app for all you pervs is here: Pornostagram.
We also discuss random things such as Phoenix's globetrotting adventures in which he totally wasn't a prostitute, Phoenix admits he finds the word turn-buckle hilarious, Phoenix talks about the Bulls and Blackhawks both being in the playoffs at the same time. We also randomly choose questions from an online list of 800 get-to-know-(to-rape)-you list.
Phoenix wraps up the show with Laws Of Life in which he reveals that he hates and is sick of people claiming shit to be magic. No more magic.
040 - LIW Movie Review - 50 - Puppetmaster II - His Unholy Creation (1991)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 49. (Originally aired 4.25.14)
In this installment we continue to the sequel to Puppetmaster. However; things turned dim as we quickly realized the production values and acting talent took a quick swan dive for the sequel. This movie was a baffling mess of murder, rambling and sexual confusion that left us hopeful for part 3. Mostly, we were confused why Darkman was the puppet master in this one. Either that or Chevy Chase as the invisible man. Not really sure what happened in this one but we think it involved real dolls. You know, those dolls that Asian guys pay to have sex with.
039 - LIW Movie Review - 21 - Genre Recap - Sports
In this episode we decided to not watch a movie and instead focus on our ten favorite sports movies of all time. We chose some classics, some randoms and Phoenix's top 5 list is unheard of by the rest of the group. It's not his fault that Slap Shot is from the 70's. Either way, we deserved a break after the trio of The Hillz, Sky Captain and Meteor Man. Vacation well deserved.
038 - LIW Movie Review - 49 - Puppetmaster (1989)
UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 49. (Originally aired 4.23.14)
We watched Puppetmaster and now we can predict the future of puppetry. It's a dead art, turns out. On this cross-over show (Richard from Midnight With Robert Shaw and Phoenix from Loitering In Wonderland) we go through the Puppetmaster movies one at a time. This is part 1 of 11 before we move on to greener pastures. Meaning another terrible series. Send your suggestions to loiteringinwonderland@gmail.com
035 - LIW Movie Review - 20 - The Meteor Man (1993)
In this episode we learned the true meaning of community via a meteor that rapes a man's chest. This movie was a best-of for LIW. It contained numerous rappers, out of place music and tons of blonde-haired gangsters.
037 - TINM! - 14 - "This Story Should End With A Restraining Order."
This week we wax poetic about religion and other random thoughts. News consists of TSA joining Instagram and a gun range that is opening a bar on site. We then randomly talk about what a deaf person's inner monologue would be.
Vs. is whether we would want technology advancing nonstop forever or stopping now. Also, would we want to spend eternity in heaven or have an eternal life where you can still be hurt.
Laws Of Life this week is about bicycles. Phoenix hates that they are allowed to do whatever they want with no sense of responsibility. Joe then admits to a felony (or something like that).
036 - TINM! - 13 - "No Two-Letter Word Will Stop My Love!"
In this episode we dicuss the news which consists of a contest in Brooklyn for the smallest penis, a guy sneaks a knife into an airport inside an enchilada, two cannibal brothers in Pakistan and the tragic death of the last California Raisin.
Next we discuss the new Godzilla movie followed by the VS. segment which is getting dumped versus doing the dumping, living a long mediocre life or a short life but you're a legend and lastly Joe grosses us out by asking if we'd rather have sex with an ugly girl or poop during sex with a hot one.
Laws Of Life is on glitter and how it's an aesthetic STD.
034 - LIW Movie Review - 19 - Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow (2004)
We watched Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow and now we hate the future. This movie should have been amazing considering it's an awesome blend of 1940's and sci-fi but instead it's a boring train wreck. It would be like sleeping aboard the sinking Titanic.
033 - LIW Movie Review - 17 - House At The End Of The Street (2012)
I watched House At The End Of The Street and now I want to Frankenstein this twist onto another movie. This week Phoenix pulls a solo episode on a movie that could have been awesome if it were made by filmmakers with competence. Check out this movie on Netflix instant to understand fully.
031 - TINM! - 11 - "I Don't Want To Touch You. You Just Look Sticky."
In this episode we discuss the news which features stories such as a kid being kicked off his track team for having a mohawk to honor his mother with cancer, a man that saves a porcupine baby by giving the dead mother a C-section and Rob Ford's opposition running hilarious anti-Ford billboards all over Toronto.
We then discuss whether we would rather live in space or under the sea after the apocalypse, would we be Batman or Harry Potter after we became orphans, if we are hopeful for Star Wars 7-9 and if we would live a fast life or a regular life. We also discuss the series end of How I Met Your Mother.
Phoenix then wraps up the show with Laws Of Life which is about his hatred for lipstick and women's strange desire to look like weird fucking aliens.
030 - LIW Movie Review - 18 - The Hillz (2004)
We watched The Hillz and now we have fetishes for spelling errors and white gangsters. This movie was the more poorly edited, directed and written movie we've seen in a long time. By far the worst we've done on the show. This movie put April Fool's Day to shame. Alas, now we know that 90's gangster rap lied to us. Compton isn't the problem. The real ghetto is apparently the Hollywood Hills (Hillz).
032 - TINM! - 12 - "I Don't Own A Kathy Bates Flesh-Bot."
In this episode we talk about eating portions before moving on to news which consists of the following headlines; a couple wins the lottery three times and only accumulates 1M$, we take a peek into Phoenix's mysterious past, how Brazilian's believe that women deserve rape if dressed like a slut, Jeffery Dahmer's childhood home being up for sale then Phoenix explains why there should be more ghosts back east compared to the city of Phoenix.
In versus, Brent asks us if we'd rather find true love or have an unlimited amount of money, we discuss the new Ninja Turtles movie, old wrestlers from our childhood and the new Batman video game creating a new villain. The episode is wrapped up with Laws Of Life on limp handshakes.
029 - TINM! - 10 - "I Replaced My Addictions With Threesomes."
In this episode we discuss the pros and numerous cons of everyone owning flying cars. News this week consists of Newman from Seinfeld being angry over his death hoax, retailers being pushed to drop tobacco products, Tetris being a deterrent for tobacco and Tequila being the cure for diabetes. This last one was discovered by Mexican 'scientists'. Of course it was. Next we rank 3 terrible bands, Creed, Nickleback and The Black Eyed Peas. Michael's VS segment consists of spending a month in the past versus the future, Brent makes up a movie trailer on the spot and we debate reading minds but being illiterate or just being literate without the mind reading nonsense. It was confusing to us too. Phoenix wraps it all up with Laws Of Life which is Fast Food Rapes America - Part 2.
028 - TINM! - 9 - "You're NOT Celibate On Flag Day?"
In this episode we learn the value of health and nutrition while drinking and arguing about the news. Followed up by a pair of VS. about the zombie apocalypse vs WW3 and always over or under dressed. Laws Of Life this week is Fast Food Rapes America - Part 1.
027 - LIW Movie Review - 16 - April Fool's Day (2008)
We didn't watch April Fool's Day. See what I did there? Anyway, it was the super unknown version from 2008 which came nowhere near touching the 80's classic. In this episode we learned a thing or two about roofie-ing women for sex and/or murder or as we here at the show call it: romance. Some women just want more than others and the integrity of their drinks pay the price. Terrible movie with terrible actors performing terrible dialogue written by apparently nobody.
026 - LIW Movie Review - 47 - The ABC's Of Death (2012)
UPDATE - Originally this was The Phoenix West Show video episode #3. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 47. (Originally aired 3.12.14)
(This is an audio only version of the video show, for video go to youtube.com/liwpodcast) On this episode of The Phoenix West Show, Phoenix breaks down the 2012 movie The ABC's Of Death letter by letter. Awful scene by awful scene. He also curses the name of Ti West because he's a terrible person. Stay tuned for more advances as far as the video/production goes.
025 - LIW Movie Review - 15 - Dangerous Ground (1997)
We watched Dangerous Ground and now we know how to survive in South Central....of South Africa. This Ice Cube and Ving Rhames classic is sure to please the entire family. As long as your family hates the "new" South Africa. This movie was made in 1997 but it felt like 1992.
024 - TINM! - 8 - "Feed The Breatharians."
In this episode, in Mario's absence, Tressa takes over on news to deliver such tales as; the pope caught swearing in Italian, a mango theft in Australia, Phoenix tells us how much he hates the two phrases "at the end of the day..." and "as good as anyone...", also Barbie girl wants to survive purely on delicious oxygen and the story takes over the show, an Iguana with 8 tails and a dead guy brought back to live via a pacemaker.
The VS. this episode: magical powers in normal school or no powers in magical school. Also, a normal life versus an extraordinary one.
Phoenix wraps up the show with his Laws Of Life on renaissance festivals and how they are a sham. Either immerse yourself fully in the shit-living days of old or don't at all. It's simple, folks.