Phoenix is fed up with having to do all the bullshit that comes along with managing his stand-up/acting career so he decides to call his agent, Teddy Winchester (who claims to be one of the best) and ask him why the fuck he isn't doing any of it. Teddy then pitches Jack And Jill 2 to Phoenix and it gets weird from there.
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Beck has been making music for 30 years. Literally. And until now nobody has been able to comprehend his lyrics because they are utter nonsense. Literally. But Phoenix West sees the meaning behind the lyrics (beefcake pantyhose) and is sharing his wisdom with you. Consider this the official Loser review. We don't need any more. Even by Beck.
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The show Fargo was awesome. It's currently 11.15.2016 and I've still only seen the first episode. Which means I clearly couldn't keep up with it. Too many shows to review. I didn't start another review show until LIW Westworld Review because Westworld is an amazing show. Fargo looks insanely interesting to me and I keep putting it off for some reason. Anyway, the review show this is from only lasted one episode. Enjoy!
In this episode, Phoenix is starting to realize how shitty the show truly is. He starts to yell but has to calm himself or else his brain will explode. This episode was boring which if you're paying attention means 3/5 of the episodes are really slow and boring. At least there is only 1 more episode before it's over. The end is near!
In this episode, Phoenix continues his impression of the devilish black dude from episode 105. He also gets very angry at how smooth that character is supposed to be but is pickpocketed by a junkie. Stupid. This show hates you and dares you to continue watching it. All the good scenes last 1 minute and the boring ones last 12. It's like a boyfriend that hits you because it loves you. Yep...just like it. Maybe season 2 will be better? Will this season end the right way? Will there even be a season 2? Who knows.
Sorry for the buzzing sound when I talk. It has been fixed so do not fret! Don't be scared away. It happens to every guy. I was just nervous and you're so hot. Anyway, in this episode Phoenix talks about the most boring FTWD episode to date. The title lied because the quality of the show faded away. This episode ruined any notion that Phoenix had about the show staying away from zombie cliches because the military...surprise...surprise... are all heartless assholes that kill everyone without remorse. Fucking stupid.
Shakespeare. Faulkner. Frost. Steinbeck. Boy. Soulja Boy that is. Phoenix West is back in this third part of an ongoing series. He explains the genius behind the song lyrics Yahhh! by gifted deity rapper, Soulja Boy. If you have any songs you'd like Phoenix to explain, send an email to loiteringinwonderland@gmail.com and he will get to them. All of them. He promises.
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In this episode, Phoenix explains all the shows that are coming to LIW studios. (See below for details) Then he finishes the episode with explaining how the trip to Vegas went over the weekend. His hatred for Siri in the city, his confusion with mixing burlesque and zombies, his hatred for parking garages, his confusion for directions with the lack of signs in the hotel/casino/malls, his hatred for screaming theater during Evil Dead: The Musical 4D Experience, his confusion for the proper pronunciation of the word Adidas, his hatred for homeless men vomiting on the sidewalk in broad daylight. It was a glorious mess all around.
LIW NBA Review didn't make it as a show. It has long been deleted from the world's eyes. But, we decided to put it on the feed of the show that doesn't matter. This episode has the exact same title as the first and only episode of LIW Chicago Sports Review but they are in fact different recordings. I think. This show only lasted 3 episodes before the plugs were pulled and it was granted death. Original airdate was 10.1.2015. - Phoenix West (11.5.16)
We had 4 shows on the LIW line-up that just didn't last. LIW Chicago Sports Review was one of them. This episode is the only one to be made. You'll see why it didn't last. This episode originally aired 10.1.2015.
In episode 3, Phoenix discusses how the show makes every female character the worst. This episode also featured the best scene in all of TWD, unfortunately it was only 1 minute long...but at least they had the decency to cut to a family playing monopoly. Heroin is still alive! Does Nick need more medication? Did Nick molest the neighbor girl at the end? Should the family maybe have killed zombie Susan? Why is Travis such a pussy? All of these questions are answered by Phoenix in this episode.
Episode 2 of Fear The Walking Dead is a doozy. By that, I mean that all hell breaks loose. Phoenix breaks-down the chaos as Travis finds his son at a zombie Ferguson rally, Madison kills a minority and Tobias is still a psychopath. Oh yeah, heroin problems. Always with heroin problems. Don't be black in this world. The show is 3 for 3 for killing black characters.
Welcome citizens to the first episode of (Fear) The Walking Dead Review. On this show, Phoenix will be reviewing both The Walking Dead AND Fear The Walking Dead episodes after they air. This particular episode is almost twice as long as future episodes will be because Phoenix wanted to establish his history with The Walking Dead. He also nit-picked a lot of zombie tropes that won't be necessary to bring up later since he already covered them here. So, again, sorry for the length. Episodes will normally be around 30 minutes. Enjoy as Phoenix makes fun of almost everything in the episode despite enjoying the show.
Seriously... do they have high school graffiti classes?
Brent wants to talk about his recent stand-up success but Phoenix wants to bring him back to reality by making him cry. For no good reason at all. Just because he's a horrible person. Phoenix gets so desperate that he plays video footage of sad animals.
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Phoenix and Brent are back to offer up more sex and love advice. Last time they took their genius to the Periscope app, but this time they break down the advice of someone else. Brent found a list of the 21 best sex positions and the two give their opinions on the list. Hint, anal is #21. Which means it's dead last. At the rear of the list... Anyway, prepare to change your pants after this episode because it gets sexy as fuck.
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Brent is excited to talk about his recent stand-up success but he is no match for the majestic, shooting-star that is Phoenix. Phoenix doesn't quite understand how success works and wastes no time before degrading Brent. Phoenix just doesn't want to be there anymore.
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There are a lot of mediocre songs by mediocre artists. But every once in a while an artist is able to shape words and music into perfection to describe the way we all feel as a culture. Nicki Minaj has done this with her masterpiece, Stupid Hoe. Listen as we break down the lyrics of the song the best way we can: unbridled sarcasm. Enjoy!
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In this episode, Phoenix tells Brent about how Bri's daughter broke her arm the previous day. Which leads to their discussion on childhood injuries. Then they discuss how people make a ton of money on YouTube by simply opening toy boxes and describing them to people. It's bullshit. Phoenix announces he finally took the plastic wrapping off of his iMac after 2 years. He's that way about things. Then they discuss at length their issues with the show Gotham. News is: the man that bought the AIDS drug and hiked up the price, an invisibility cloak is now 'possibly', we are being told they caught the I-10 shooter but we are skeptical, finally, a kid brought a clock to school that looked exactly like a bomb. Racist or not...it looked like a fucking bomb.
We're back! After a month off, writing his book, Phoenix West is back. He has to announce it just like Arnold, the McRib and Eminem do every single time they walk back into your lives. In this episode Phoenix discusses, washing his dogs, showing up to the first day of first grade without a child, his day vacation to Jerome AZ with Bri, buying a new Apple TV and having to overcome his lack of knowledge (Google is the great equalizer), and finally, a list some of the movies he's watched since last episode.
In this episode, Phoenix apologizes to all the gay, black, pedophiles he must have confused back in 1993 while singing out loud while his walkman played Salt-N-Pepa songs. Mostly for Shoop. Apparently that term means sex. He was 9 and didn't know that at the time.
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