083 - LIW Movie Review - 57 - Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys (2004)

UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 57. (Originally aired 9.7.14)

In this installment we barely talk bout the movie we watched. In fact, all we really mention about it is that Corey Feldman is 34 in the movie but is made up to be an old father despite being only about 7 years older than his daughter. He even talks with a fake old man voice. Terrible. Turns out Phoenix had already seen this movie very recently but completely removed it from his memory. We spend the episode talking about recent TV shows (Breaking Bad, The Wire, Weeds and upcoming Gotham). Then we talk about different directors that we love/hate at the same time. We kept forgetting to talk about Puppet Master Vs. Demonic Toys but that's for everyone's benefit. 

082 - LIW Movie Review - 56 - Puppet Master 8 - The Legacy (2003)

UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 56. (Originally aired 8.31.14)

In this installment we are forced to revisit the first 7 Puppet Master movies against our will because this movie is a fucking clip-show. Shame on you Charles Band, shame on you. We mostly discuss Josh Hartnett and how we haven't seen him in a while. This movie was a pointless piece of shit that apparently starred the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man In The World dude. Don't waste your time watching this.

081 - LIW Movie Review - 39 - Jack And Jill (2011)

We watched Jack And Jill and now we know that Adam Sandler was womb-mates with Satan. This movie was the reason the podcast was created and we finally got to it with episode 39. Hooray for us! The best parts of the movie were seconds before the credits and then during the credits. What a middle finger to us.

080 - LIW Movie Review - 55 - Puppet Master 7 - Retro Puppet Master (1999)

UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 55. (Originally aired 8.24.14)

In this installment, you know what? Fuck it. In the 7th movie they rewrote their own history more times than a drunk grandpa making up war stories. This one made absolutely no sense, from the opening in 1944 to a random event leading to a flashback to 1892 that involves first draft versions of the puppets we know and love, bad guys from first century Egypt that look like the strangers from Dark City but sound like Darth Vader, to a completely foreign cast that couldn't speak in any accent or act at all. Holy shit. I'm so exhausted from writing that sentence that I think I'll start over. In this installment we watched Puppet Master 7 and it was 7 times worse than the first one. I've done the math and it's true. Want proof? Watch it.

079 - TINM! - 32 - "The Lost 'Lost' Episode."

In this episode we discuss:

• How Pollux the studio dog only moves around the second we start recording.

• News: no news.

• Joe wants to talk about wrestling and surprisingly everyone else does too. Except Phoenix because he hasn't watched it since 1992.

• Does every one have a price tag?

• Brent catches Pollux in full Australian character.

• Versus: brutally murdering someone versus choosing how they murder you.

• Laws Of Life is about the creepy Little League World Series.

• We discuss Dutch Bros. Coffee and how sexy their staff can be. Joe and Michael interview for Phoenix and only one man gets hired.

• Judge Phoenix holds court to settle whether Michael should be allowed to kill random people.

• What would we do for the purge?

• Ends with gross mouth noises.

078 - TINM! - 31 - "No Johnny Homelessmens!"

In this news-less episode we talk about:

• Robin Williams' passing.

• the bible being written by drunks and drug addicts.

• Passion Of The Christ being a snuff film.

• the Ferguson riots.

• people trying to reenact The Purge in our city. Which is Phoenix. The city of Phoenix.

• Bri watches 2 Girls 1 Cup during the episode.

• the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.

• Versus: sweat pudding or eat a bowl of pudding made of sweat.

• Laws Of Life: new and improved.

077 - LIW Movie Review - 38 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)

We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and it made us pine for the simpler days when we all lived in cabins on a snowy mountaintop in NYC. Or at least this movie thinks there is one. We actually all liked this movie for the most part. 

076 - LIW Movie Review - 54 - Puppet Master 6 - Curse Of The Puppet Master (1998)

UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 54. (Originally aired 6.22.14)

In this installment, we watched the 6th Puppet Master movie and had a hard time keeping our shit together. This was the most poorly made PM movie yet but it was more enjoyable than all the rest combined. This movie follows Tank, a child-like retard as he becomes a puppet maker, sex machine and eventually the puppet master. This movie was released in 1998 but it appears to have been 1992 pretending to be 1943. It was a confusing shitpile of a movie.

075 - LIW Movie Review - 37 - The Expendables III (2014)

We watched The Expendables (in the world's smallest theater) and now we want to hit up the gym and fill our mouths with cotton balls. Or just dude balls. This is the most homoerotic movie to hit cinemas since the last one. This movie was just 2 hours of boring. Oh, plus this is our homage to Robin Williams episode. We don't talk about him much in the episode because when we recorded it had just happened but the episode is bookended by his clips. Enjoy.

074 - LIW Movie Review - 53 - Puppet Master 5 - The Final Chapter (1994)

UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 53. (Originally aired 8.10.14)

In this installment, Phoenix and Richard realize that you CAN put out the exact same movie with a different title and not be called on your bullshit. We spend most of the time doing Michael Caine impressions and talking about nonsense and about 1/3 of the episode is about the actual movie we watched. Enjoy!

073 - TINM! - 30 - "It's Like A Condom For My Hand!"

News crew attacked by ghosts. Joe believes in ghosts. Phoenix changes his Laws Of Life to ghosts to attack Joe.

We then talk bout aliens and ghosts and how the future will go.

Phoenix talks Joe into pulling his Alf dick out and Bri freaks out because she thinks he really is going to.

Swedish woman finds Ikea bag filled with human bones in a church.

Japanese dog greets customers better than American Walmart employees.

MMA fighter kills 2 home invaders like a champ.

Vat of eggnog explodes on people and Brent thinks they store it scalding hot. 

2 teens break into a house to make drug brownies. Found with 2 pounds of ‘unspecified drugs’ on them.

Brent performs slam-poetry about condoms while Phoenix performs a terrible beat for him.

More 800 random questions which leads to a long debate about what decade had the best music.

072 - TINM! - 29 - "We Are Technically Less Than Public Access."

In this episode, Phoenix and Bri aren't the only ones drinking as the studio moved and therefore everyone had something to drink by the time we hit record. We discussed:

Which porn site do you frequent?

Woman steals snake from pet store, crashes into fire station.

Hackers can reroute planes using their WiFi system.

Guy kicks squirrel off Grand Canyon but probably not. 

Joe didn’t understand death until well after 7 years old. He’s probably a serial killer.

Guy raised 55K on Kickstarter for his plight of making potato salad.

If you could blow yourself would you?

Laws Of Life - Thinking is cheating. 

071 - LIW Movie Review - 36 - Rites Of Passage (2012) (Bri)

We watched Rites Of Passage because Bri thought it looked like a shitty horror movie. Instead we got a halfway decent movie that had all the make-up of a horror movie without the horror. Christian Slater was dressed as a scarecrow that smoked a ton of meth and killed people with a shotgun. Oh, and he also saw and talked to a Mexican sock monkey that represented his dead white child. It was confusing but hilarious. Somehow in the course of this episode we forgot to mention our favorite parts; every time someone ran face first into a sliding glass door. What looked like a total piece of shit because of the cast (Slater, Dorf) actually ended up being a lot of fun. 

070 - LIW Movie Review - 52 - Puppet Master 4 - The Demon (1993)

UPDATE - Originally this was Midnight In Wonderland video episode. When that show merged with LIW it became LIW episode 52. (Originally 8.3.14)

In this installment we barely watched Puppet Master 4: The Demon. It was terrible. To be honest, most of this episode is just bullshitting about randomness instead of talking about the movie. We had to do this to avoid going insane. 

068 - LIW Movie Review - 34 - Sharknado 2 - The Second One (2014)

We watched Sharknado 2: The Second One which premiered days before on SyFy and now we are certified marine biologists. Want proof? We are some of the few people that know that sharks can exist inside a tornado without water. This movie was twice as bad as the first one but took 20 extra actors down with it. This movie is fucking huge and fucking terrible. It's not clever. It's not funny. It's not so bad it's good. It's just fucking terrible and shouldn't be praised. 

069 - LIW Movie Review - 35 - Drop Zone (1994)

We watched Drop Zone but then immediately watched Sharknado 2, recorded the episode for Sharknado 2 and then immediately recorded the episode for Drop Zone. It was confusing and Sharknado 2 raped our minds so that we forgot most of Drop Zone. Listen as we force ourselves remember it via blurry conversation. Rio is really dead set on opening a dive bar called The Dive Bar. Phoenix wants to name it Black Death but fears it conjures of thoughts of lynching and the plague. Brent wants the bathroom named Drop Zone. If they can all agree on the name it will be a future financial disaster. 

067 - TINM! - 28 - "Here's A Towel, Get Out..."

In this episode, Phoenix and Rio talk about how nobody else showed up to record and talk about nonsense before getting to:

Laws Of Life starts off the show for the first time ever and it's about Every Move You Make by The Police.

Second male orgasms.

Female teacher turns herself in for having sex with a student which turns into a discussion about the double standard between men and women and censoring yourself around kids.

Connecticut man that was missing for 6 years was found wandering Long Island.

Something about a virus hitting 'the Americas' but all Phoenix really heard was the phrase 'the Americas.' It confused him because it isn't the year 1140.

066 - TINM! - 27 - "The Porno Is Called; "Take That!"

In this episode Phoenix and Rio discuss:

Comedy movies and tv shows.

Bolivia lowers legal working age to 10.

Texas funeral home kept 8 bodies for no reason.

The Vermont Novelty Toster Corporation makes selfie toasters.

Gentile giant dies after NYC cops put him in chokehold.

Florida dad beats a man that is abusing his child.

Laws Of Life this week is about face tattoos.

065 - LIW Movie Review - 33 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (1993)

We watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III and now that we've gone green, we cannot go back. This movie was chosen by Brad as his going away movie. It was a tear filled episode complete with lots of crying, hugging, name calling, asshole-ry and a shitty movie about time travel. Brad had to blow out his microphone twice more before leaving the show. This movie is also a fond LIW farewell to our first studio. This truly is a transition episode.

064 - LIW Movie Review - 32 - House Party - Tonight's The Night (2013) (Joe)

We watched House Party 5 and we learned a lot about how to throw a raging house party in which only one actual misfortune happens. For the first time in LIW history we had to re-do an episode. We recorded 45 minutes of material that mysteriously vanished so we had to restart. It pissed us off but we managed. We also have a new phrase to use on the show: toilet porn. This movie was apparently a comedy. It was rated R but it felt more like a D-Com with a thousand times more 'fucks'. Also, if you have Kid and Play on the front cover, don't just have them in a post-credit sequence. This movie also reversed the races and it was confusing. But interestingly enough if you reversed the genders in this movie, there is a brutal rape scene on a dance floor. Oh, plus we all developed a crush on Tristin Mays.