Good episode but very predictable. Kai takes his bid for city counsel to the next level with 2 speeches that go very smoothly. Unless you count a lovable AHS actor showing up and giving him shit and a mass shooting. Either way the plot is advancing which is a refreshing change of pace.
27: Cult - 705 - Holes
Kai's cult takes things to the next level by killing a gimp. That's a strange lifestyle and Phoenix makes his opinions of it known. This episode of AHS is called Holes and for once a AHS season isn't full of them.
26: Cult - 704 - 11/9
This is the best AHS episode since season 2. Truly. It's such a relief to not have to deal with a shitty AHS season. Makes my job more difficult though. It's easier to make fun of things when they're terrible. Anyway, Kai is recruiting his cult and is willing to take care of your hard-on that won't quit to get you aboard. That's a good quality to have in a leader. So grab your jizz mop and listen to the LIW review!
25: Cult - 703 - Neighbors From Hell
This is a conspiracy episode for Phoenix. He lays out some possible scenarios about plots/characters that he believes will happen in future episodes. Or not. Who knows. Also, the fuck is with that Goosebumps glowing green truck? Too much glowing green. Too much. Anyway, this is a great episode for psychopaths and haters of animals alike.
24: Cult - 702 - Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark
I don't like it when tv titles give me orders. I'll be afraid of the dark if I goddamn want to be. I just choose not to be. Independent of any outside orders. In this episode, Allison Pill continues to believe that her insane wife is seeing clowns. Until she realizes she's insane. Then right back into believing her. It's a vicious circle, folks. Despite this sarcastic tone, this is my favorite episode of the last 5 seasons. Yes, it's been a bit of a dry spell for success for AHS.
23: Cult - 701 - Election Night
Looking to escape the nonstop media barrage of Donald Trump reporting? Sick of seeing your facebook friends arguing about politics? Wouldn't you love to escape that by checking into your favorite horror themed television show? Too fucking bad. Prepare to watch as your reality is portrayed on the screen with familiar actors. This season, Evan Peters is Kurt Cobain as Heath Ledger's Joker if he were super racist. Try to enjoy.
22: Roanoke - 610 - Chapter 10
It's the end of this season and I feel fine. The season was fine. The episode was pointless. Anyway, watch as minor character Lee is treated like the star of the season via usage of 6 different television shows within the show. It gets confusing. This season is nothing but bringing people to a house to get killed. It was like the Friday The 13th series.
21: Roanoke - 609 - Chapter 9
Everyone goddamn dies. Or, all but 1 like the show said would happen. This episode is nothing but every character running around until they die. Only 10 episode this season though! That's great news. This episode also has 3 new pointless characters that are millennials so they constantly talk about social media before dying in horrible ways. Lee eats a heart. What the fuck happened in this episode? It's chaos.
20: Roanoke - 608 - Chapter 8
This is a boring episode. I just don't care about cannibalism. Unless it's happening to me, it's boring to watch. The cast is whittled down in this one. I also didn't realize Cain was played by Finn Wittrock. He's too good and it scares me. I also blow up on Ryan Murphy about spoiling his own show all the time. - Phoenix
19: Roanoke - 607 - Chapter 7
Kathy Bates is the best. This episode is pure chaos. Witches. Sex. Cannibals. Sticks that appear from the ceiling. Murder. Pointless camera work. It has it all. As long as what you want is a reassembling of every horror movie ever made. Make sure you make it all the way to the last second for a strange ending.
18: Roanoke - 606 - Chapter 6
In this episode, Phoenix reveals Kathy Bates to be his favorite actress. He loves her in this episode. It was about all he loved in the episode though. The new show within the show sounds fun but it's kind of boring to watch everyone hang out. Then the show spoils itself and somehow that makes it better and more suspenseful. Doesn't make sense but it's true. Find out how within this episode..
17: Roanoke - 605 - Chapter 5
In this episode, Phoenix talks about the terrible actress at the beginning that plays the historian. He also then goes off track to explain how much it pisses him off that it's "an historian" and "an hour" instead of "a historian" and "a hour". He then questions how Wes Bentley managed to pick up Kathy Bates, being half her size and all. Whatever, is the show over now? Only 5 episodes into a 12 or 13 episode season and the show feels over.
16: Roanoke - 604 - Chapter 4
In this episode, Phoenix talks about this episode. Obviously. What else would he talk about? Wait, he goes off topic a lot. He talks about having dirty woods sex some more and how the only time you're in the woods is to do something disgusting, bury a body, hide porn or homeless sex. Those are the only options. Hiking is not an option. He also makes many references to Lady Gaga being the horse in "horse's mouth."
15: Roanoke - 603 - Chapter 3
In this episode, Phoenix talks about rough sex in the woods. Barely. But enough. The show introduces one of the greatest characters to do an impression of: Cricket. He's basically just the Poltergeist lady mixed with Truman Capote. So much fun to impersonate!
14: Roanoke - 602 - Chapter 2
In this...this episode is pointless so let's get it over with. The only thing this episode adds is the addition of Flora and then the subtraction of Flora. It easily could have been tagged onto the end of episode 1 or the beginning of episode 3. Nobody is spooked out by killer nurses, AHS. Nobody.
13: Roanoke - 601 - Chapter 1
Had to record this episode twice because it didn't record. Super happy about that but Phoenix kept up the enthusiasm and tried to repeat himself verbatim. It's easier to do when you're a comic and are used to doing exactly that. Welcome to season 6 of AHS! Phoenix likes the new season so far but is also wary of being burned by the show like in past seasons. With that being said... Witches? Again? Fuck.
12: Hotel - 512 - Be Our Guest
The season is over. We are all free from the hotel. Rejoice. Tell your children what happened here. How a show that had 7 consecutive shitty episodes ended up having 5 straight good ones and somehow people were tricked into watching a 6th season. In this episode Phoenix plays more Nada Surf Popular and John Lowe talking so you really can hear how he sounds just like him. He also talks about the episode he watched. Afterward, he guesses what the next season will be while listing which actors he hopes returns to what type of role. None of which will come true because this show is like an abusive boyfriend. It hits you a lot but sure...it's out of love. It's not a bad guy. It's trying. It's going to get a job soon. Well, soonish. I mean, you didn't lose the baby weight like you promised but whatever. It's working on it and it's complicated alright? Back off. *Smack* Why do you make me do this to you? Keep watching.
11: Hotel - 511 - Battle Royale
In this episode Phoenix talks about how fucked up Sally truly is. How her hanging out in what can be lovingly referred to as "the body room" reminded him of the trash room he had in college. He also talks about Lady Gaga's neon lights, the weird D&D / rock-paper-scissors math of the battle between humans, vampires, ghosts and witches and then he talks about the paperwork involved in rushing Donovan's cremation for Iris and if it was an abuse of power on Liz's part to do so.
10: Hotel - 510 - She Gets Revenge
She done got it. Revenge that is. Whoever SHE is. Revenge was apparently gotten. Anyway, the third good episode in a row! A new season 5 record! Lady Gaga can't act like a grieving widow to save her vampire life or economic status. Those goddamn vampire bastard kids finally get what they deserve. Iris and Liz are amazing as The Boondocks Saints. Liz also has a really sweet scene with her son that Phoenix genuinely was moved by. He takes no shame in admitting that.
9: Hotel - 509 - She Wants Revenge
She gonna get it! In this episode, Phoenix is glad the show stuck with the "not shitty" motif of episode 508. It's definitely a theme the show should fully adapt. This episode is full of double crossings and possible suspects for females wanting revenge. Does the title refer to Countess, Liz, Iris, Alex or Natacha? We will never know. Until the next episode, probably.