We watched Sky Captain And The World Of Tomorrow and now we hate the future. This movie should have been amazing considering it's an awesome blend of 1940's and sci-fi but instead it's a boring train wreck. It would be like sleeping aboard the sinking Titanic.
18: The Hillz (2004)
We watched The Hillz and now we have fetishes for spelling errors and white gangsters. This movie was the more poorly edited, directed and written movie we've seen in a long time. By far the worst we've done on the show. This movie put April Fool's Day to shame. Alas, now we know that 90's gangster rap lied to us. Compton isn't the problem. The real ghetto is apparently the Hollywood Hills (Hillz).
17: House At The End Of The Street (2012)
I watched House At The End Of The Street and now I want to Frankenstein this twist onto another movie. This week Phoenix pulls a solo episode on a movie that could have been awesome if it were made by filmmakers with competence. Check out this movie on Netflix instant to understand fully.
16: April Fool's Day (2008)
We didn't watch April Fool's Day. See what I did there? Anyway, it was the super unknown version from 2008 which came nowhere near touching the 80's classic. In this episode we learned a thing or two about roofie-ing women for sex and/or murder or as we here at the show call it: romance. Some women just want more than others and the integrity of their drinks pay the price. Terrible movie with terrible actors performing terrible dialogue written by apparently nobody.
15: Dangerous Ground (1997)
We watched Dangerous Ground and now we know how to survive in South Central....of South Africa. This Ice Cube and Ving Rhames classic is sure to please the entire family. As long as your family hates the "new" South Africa. This movie was made in 1997 but it felt like 1992.
14: Leprechaun 4: In Space (1996)
We watched Leprechaun 4 and we were excited to see it was set in the CG voids of space. We see our first bit of major nudity and it was a real wasted bummer. We marveled at this technical masterpiece, awestruck by the incredibly realistic CG spaceships. Phoenix is blown away by the fact that the Leprechaun is enlarged to 60 feet, is known for rhyming and the movie doesn't attempt a Jack And The Beanstalk reference. The rhyming possibilities were endless but they didn't even attempt any. This movie was neither scary nor funny. The story was not sane. This was barely a movie.
13: Major League: Back To The Minors (1998)
We watched Major League: Back To The Minors and for the first time in our lives we missed Wesley Snipes. Historians will eventual reveal that we were the only humans in history to have had that feeling.
12: R.I.P.D. (2013)
We watched R.I.P.D. and now we check under our beds for dead-o's and have a fear of Mark Twain. R.I.P.D. was a R.I.P.O.F.F.
11: Shocker (1989)
We watched Shocker and now we're shocked at how shockingly confused we are about Shocker. This movie is, beat for beat, A Nightmare On Elm Street with electronics. Not exactly a compliment when it's from the same director only 5 years later.
10: Valentine's Day (2010)
We saw Valentine's Day and now love is dead. This movie left us black hearted and wishing for a divorce from life. This movie almost broke us.
9: Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013)
We watched Hansel And Gretel: Witch Hunters and now we know that witches are a good alternative to sleeping pills in the villain department.
8: Deep Blue Sea (1999)
We watched Deep Blue Sea and now we are certified marine biologists. Oh, and also experts in the field of marine genetics as long as we are given the keys to rewrite their genetic makeup.
7: Tank Girl (1995)
We watched Tank Girl and now we have fetishes for genetically altered kangaroos. This movie was like an acid trip in the desert.
6: Vamps (2012)
We watched Vamps and now want want a vampire BFF. This was a rough episode to do but we managed. Hopefully next week's episode of Tank Girl goes smoother.
5: A Good Day To Die Hard (2013)
Die Hard - Amazing. Die Hard 2 - Decent. Die Hard 3 - Amazing. Die Hard 4 - Alright. Die Hard 5 - Dogshit. In this episode we break down exactly how little Bruce Willis cares about his movies nowadays.
4: John Carter (2012)
What can be said about a movie this ambitious? Apparently nothing because nobody saw it. We watched John Carter and tried to escape the viewing prison but kept being pulled back to it.
3: Johnny Mnemonic (1995)
This is our favorite episode yet. This movie left us with nothing but a brain-chip full of confusion and a dolphin fetish.
2: Escape From L.A. (1996)
John Carpenter's classic sequel to Escape From New York: the appropriately titled Escape From L.A. continues the adventures of Snake Plissken. If you love the first movie you'll sure feel an overwhelming wave of ambivalence toward this one.
1: Face/Off (1997)
The very first episode of Loitering In Wonderland. We chose Face/Off because everyone has seen it so it makes a good starting point. This movie is insane. They so casually tell the main character that he has to swap faces with his mortal enemy. He doesn't seem that bothered by the notion. Insanity follows. We tried our best to keep up with the Cage freak outs but alas we fell behind.